IT is very common to hear or read about women in the courts of law refusing to get divorced after they discover that they are HIV positive.
The common reason they give is that the man cannot leave them for someone else after infecting them with HIV.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
Agnes Banda’s story may somehow be different but she says when she was getting divorced, her husband told her not to mention that she was HIV positive – a move she says disadvantaged her.
Banda, 39, and a teacher at one of the schools in Lusaka says she got married in 2002.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
“We started co-habiting in 2000 when I was still in Western Province and in 2002, that’s when we got married officially. Before we got married there was a time I came to visit him from Kaoma and I found some capsules in one of the pockets of his clothes. I wasn’t familiar with them so I later asked him what they were for. He told me that he had some genital rashes, an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) and he was prescribed the medicine,” she says. “He went on to say that before he could take the capsules, he consulted another nurse and she said it was just a mere rash but I still wasn’t convinced, but we got married anyway.”home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
She says in 2004, her husband got very sick and lost a lot of weight.
“He was just like a moving skeleton. He used to have night sweats and at that time, he was doing nothing so I had to run around and look for money. He had insisted on going to the hospital alone. So I went for work and when I came back. he said ‘Aggie banipeza nili HIV positive’ (Aggie, they have found me HIV positive) but I think after seeing the fear in me, he withdrew the statement and said ‘Mwandi bani chita chabe advise kuyenda kupimisa VCT’ (no they have just advised me to go for VCT voluntary counsellig testing). home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kitSo I asked him if he had done VCT. He said ‘no’, then I asked why, the response I got was that because of his illness his immunity was low and could have mistook that for HIV. So he said that he would go when he got better. He was put on medication and he got better,” she says.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
Banda says when her husband recovered, she reminded him to go for a test but he refused, saying that the virus could not survive in his blood.
“That was a wake-up call for me but I was scared I couldn’t go alone because I was thinking how I could receive the news if I was found positive. I feared to say if I go there and I am found positive, he could have accused me of infidelity. So life continued and I lived in fear,” she says.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
She says in October, 2006, fate caught up with her and she started feeling sick.
“It was during the elections and I was feeling like I had malaria. My legs were painful, very painful. I used to sit on the table verifying results and after I got money from the elections, I used it all on medication,” she says.
Banda says while she was sick, her husband left her and went to Malawi to do business.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
She says while he was in Malawi, her illness progressed and her health deteriorated.
“Even after using all the money, I started going to other clinics even government clinics but all in vain. Then one day I just thought of going to UTH, without a referral. The doctor saw me and saw the seriousness of my illness. He asked for a close relative since I had just gone there with a friend. At the hospital, they said there was need for either for a mother or husband to come,” she says.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
Banda says since her husband was out of the country, she called her mother who found her critically ill.
She says her mother told her to tell the husband to come back from Malawi.
“He came back with some money which he spent on me and I appreciate that but after trying this and that nothing worked or improved until one day a certain doctor at UTH decided for me and the family. I was in no decision making position. I couldn’t walk. I was being lifted around and I believe that God spoke through that doctor,” she says.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
Banda says the doctor decided that she does an HIV test because all the tests were done and nothing came out.
She says the test was done and it came out positive.
“I thank God that the test was done because if it was not for that, I would have been gone and forgotten. When the test was done, the CD4 count was initially low, it was 135. So I was immediately put on ARVs and within the shortest period of time, I started recovering,” she says.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
Banda says when she started getting better, her husband started complaining about the money he had used on her.
“I thought he was giving me money out of love and he talked about it until it became a thorn in the bush. He complained that couldn’t I have gotten sick for a short time and gotten better. I couldn’t bear this any more so, I had to find a way to get back the money he spent on me which he accepted,” she says.
Banda says she got a loan and gave him K3 million and upon giving him the money, he told her that she should not expect him to buy anything at home or pay the rent until he declares profits.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
Banda says things were not easy for her as she had to cope with her HIV status as well.
“I discovered immune boosters in his pockets… then the bank was deducting money from me and I was given full responsibility of the home. This went on for months and even before I could finish the loan…I had a lot of debts because of the loan, he said that we divorce,” she says.
She says her husband told her that he could not continue with her and if he had to build a house, her relatives would grab the house thinking they had used her money.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
“So that’s how we got divorced on 10th May 2008. On September 3, I took him to court and we got divorced officially but unfortunately, I wasn’t open about my status. I wasn’t open because I wasn’t counselled. We did not have any children together,” she says.
Banda says her husband was not supposed to divorce her because she tested positive in his home.
She suspected that her husband might have known because he was taking boosters.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
“Maybe if I had mentioned that I was positive at the time in court, the court could have told him to be maintaining me. He told me not to mention in the courts that I was positive. He brought me from Kaoma to Lusaka where life is expensive. I need help. I need a house and I am finding it difficult to work. My husband refused to go for a test because he used to say that it’s voluntary so he could not be forced,” she says.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
Banda says she told her relatives about her status but he never mentioned anything to his.
She says at that time, she felt rejected and a misfit and that no one counted her as a person.
Banda says she used to feel as if people knew about her status.
“I received counselling from call centres and I accepted my status and I now talk about it openly. My CD4 count is now 820 as of January this year and I thank God for that. But I think he knew about his status and even when I was sick, he refused to go and get tested saying it was voluntary and that he would do it at his own time,” she says.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit
She says she has now come to terms with her status and has accepted it.
Banda says she even has a club at the school where she teaches but finds it difficult to talk to the teachers.home hiv test, hiv self test, home hiv kit